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braunhi1

  3 months ago

Joke Day Tuesday!
Closed

A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine. The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father. The wife says, "Oh, that's actually better." The husband says he can't feel anything. Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn't hurt nearly as much. The husband says he sill can't feel anything. The Doctor, now encouraged, turns it up to 100%. The husband still can't feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her. The baby is born. The couple go home and find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.

Please share if you want to do one of your own. We all need a bit of laughter in our lives.


Comments if you wish.
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patfay

  3 months ago
Good one b, still laughing all the way to bed.
1 comments

ellisqt

  3 months ago
I don’t know many jokes. There is one that springs to mind from my youth. Forgive me if it’s stupid. Lady walks into the bar and is drinking alone. The man at the other end of the bar notices her and decides that she might be looking for company, so he makes his way over and sits down on the vacant stool beside her.
“Hi, the bar will be closed soon. Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?”
The lady looks annoyed at being disturbed. However trying to be funny she makes something up on the spot. “No thanks, I am on my menstrual cycle. Just started today.”
The man looks relieved, “For a moment there I thought you didn’t like me! You’re in luck because I can fit your bicycle in the back of my van. It’s not good weather out there for beginners.”
I don’t know what happened after that! They probably called time.
2 comments

WoodyP

  3 months ago
Haaha, loved that one Ms B.
1 comments

pagalu

  3 months ago
Funny.
1 comments

achatterjee4

  3 months ago
Let's joke.
1 comments

KT051

  3 months ago
Thanks for the laughs B, a good one and I hope you had a great day.
4 comments

Mazda626

  3 months ago
Hahahaha good one
1 comments

Yvonner1994

  3 months ago
Can't remember if these have been posted......anywhoooo
...................
#1. A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit."
,........................
#2. A man is sent to prison for the first time.
The first night there, after the lights in the cell block are turned off, he immediately sees his cellmate going over to the bars and yelling, “twelve!”
The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, “four!” Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.
“Why are you guys just yelling numbers?” He asks his cellmate. “What’s so funny about random numbers?”
“Well,” says the older prisoner, “They’re not random. It’s just that we’ve all been in this here prison for so long, we all know all the same jokes. So after a while we just started giving them numbers and yelling those numbers is enough to remind us of the joke instead of telling it.”
Wanting to fit in, the new prisoner walks up to the bars and yells, “SIX!” But instead of laughter, a dead silence falls on the cell block. He turns to the older prisoner, “What’s wrong? Why didn’t I get any laughs?”
“You didn’t tell it right.”
3 comments

two2you

  3 months ago
A Father Notices His Son's Bedroom Is Spotless, Then Finds An Envelope
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.
I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.
3 comments

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