Once we were ungrouned from each other, I was allowed to go visit her again. After about a week of being able to be around each other we were allowed to go walking again. But visiting him was never to happen again.
The 3rd week she wanted to go back to his house. We bth were missing some things, and figured we had left them at his house.I had argued with her and told her I didn't want to get grouned again. She kept trying to talk me into it,she said we'd only stay for 30 minutes, I also made her swear she wouldn't drink before I said I'd go. She agreed and we went back.
Once we were at his house he was telling us how drunk we were and green when it came to the little amount it took to get us plasterd. He was laughing and making fun of us. I had a really low self esteame, so with the way he was laughing at us and the feeling I was being put down, made me hate what I had done even more.
I went to use the bathroom, on the sink was pics of me and her passed out and nude. It was obvious we were passed out, and that we were posed different in each pic. I was shocked and horrified. When we had awoken the day after getting drunk we had our clothes on, so I couldn't understand how he had gotten naked pics. I called her into the bathroom and showed them to her, she couldn't believe it either. So we left with the pics and didn't go back to his house. a month later I found out I was pregnant, by a black man, scared of what my parents would do.
This made me more depressed and my self esteem drop straight down. I didn't tell anyone for a long time. I was terrified how I'd be treated. At the time I wasn't sure my parents weren't predjudiced. So I had a fear of how I'd be treated by family when I had a mixed child.
Eventually I started showing, even through the baggy clothes I was wearing. My mother had thought I was pg, but wasn't positive till I was getting big enough that there was no doubt. She had said how disapointed she was, and how I had ruined my life.
I had always felt like a failer. I was constantly put down growing up. My parents had both had horrible childhoods. They didn't realize how their past was affecting their kids as we grew up. It was after most of us were grown when they realized how bad of parents they were. After they found out Iwas pg they constantly kept making comments about how terrible it was that I had gotten pg at such a young age. There was no looking on the bright side of anything. I was scared to tell them when it had happened
I was horribly depressed through the whole pregnancy. When I went into labor the fear of the color of the child weighed heavily. I still had no idea how they would react. Now I had never heard my parents speak illy of another race. But felt true colors would surface the moment eyes were laid opon my mixed child.
As I was about to give birth I told my mother( who was in the delivery room with me) that the childs father was black. To my disbelief, She was happy hearing this. She said how beautiful and exotic mixed children were. Then the next thing I know the Dr. said the babies head was crowning. I started halucinating. I remember telling mom that Ralphs cows were out and in our yard again. From what seemed that she was far off in a cave, came the sound of her voice, she said I "know sweety, it'll be alright. Then came the Dr's voice from as distant as hers had seemed.
He was saying that the babies head was stuck, and that my blood presure was too high. I didn't know what blood presssure was and since Iwas alreay having halucinations, I started imagining blood was squirting out at high pressue. Inside I was panicing. Then a nurse yelled that my blood presure had dropped, and that they were losing me and the baby. I don't remember anything after that.
My mom told me that when my blood presure had bottomed out, it was the same time the Dr. was struggling to get the babies head out. She said That I had passed out which made it even harder for the baby to come out, because I wasn't able to push. (look for pt 9)

I have qualified for a survey and earned 12,000 points, but only once I think. But I have cashed out twice now and another cash out will soon be happening for me.

I flew to California and met up with my cousin who lives there. Then we piled into his car and drove all over California. We went from northern California to Southern California in fifteen days. We covered many miles together and got to know each other much better.....Where have you gone on a road trip and who went with you?

It is a hands down deaf for me. I am already 65% deaf in both ears and wear hearing aids that help me hear better but I will never hear normal with the type of loss I have. Being deaf at least you can lip read. If you are blind you can't do that. Being blind would be hard to me because of all the beauty in the world. I think it would be a little harder to be totally independent blind than deaf even though both are handicaps in their own ways.

aww I was just watching the news and this poor little 4 year old was enoying playing on the beach in Florida and a suv i believe struck and killed him :( Cars/trucks should NOT be allowed on ANY beach thats what the streets/roads are for.

I love all of Jimmy Stewart's movies. I went to graduate school in Indiana, Pa., his hometown, and somehow it made me feel closer to him. I think I liked "Harvey" the best. That big old rabbit was so original!